make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
