did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
