Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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