beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Be still, my beating vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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