Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
