I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
