I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize