the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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