My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
