K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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