absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
