I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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