I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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