its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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