marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
