I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
