I feel like I'm in dance class right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
