hotel room ftw
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize