2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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