One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
