So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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