She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
