brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
