just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
