Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
