I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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