In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
