Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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