Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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