if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize