I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
