eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
