Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
