I want to stick my p in your. b.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
