my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
