New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize