It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
