a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
