if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
