WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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