Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
