My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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