dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
