Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
