I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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