And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
