Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
