and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
