Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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