i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you didnt know i had herpes?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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