I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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