i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
