that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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