East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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