She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
