So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
