I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
