i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
