i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
