Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
