Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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