i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
