I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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