when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
