Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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