Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
where am i from again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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